You know those times when you can’t sleep simply cuz your brain won’t stop thinking?


I missed you tonight…thats not supposed to happen anymore? that hasn’t happened in this few months…yet last night laying in bed trying to fall asleep all I could think about was how much I wanted to call you up and discuss anything and everything like we always could. I’m so tired of talking about people instead of things and emotions and outlooks on life. I want a conversation with depth and meaning. I want to discuss instead of just talk. Thats all I wanted was to fall asleep satisfied after having an amazing conversation that made me actually think. Haa.. then I started thinking how unbearably sad it is that someone who used to mean so much to me and had such a starring role in my life can now be virtually non exsitent. It’s so freaking sad…But the thing is thats how it has to be, our opinions and keep us from even being able to have a simple friendship. We can’t help but hurt eachother and be subconciously harsh towards one another. But it’s sad. You were my best friend. You are still the best friend I have ever had. Thanks for that. I wish I could travel back and re-live what we had, it truly was beautiful. Something that we could never re-create, not that we would even want too…Our lives have changed so much, we have changed so much and us now simply just wouldnt fit. I’m running in circles here and I’m not good with making these thoughts make sense. I guess i’m just reflecting. I guess I’m just yearning for what was and I’m so fearful if what is to come…or I guess what simply hasn’t come again for me…I’m not even making sense. I’m just so terrified I will never have something as magical as what was. That nothing will compare, that the pieces simply wont fall into place so perfectly. When you walked into my life, you couldnt have been more perfect. You were exactly what I wanted and needed at that exact point in my life, and I belive I was for you too…I didnt have to go looking for love, you found me all on your own. Fate worked it’s magic. That’s the problem now I guess? I’m fighting fate. I’m trying so hard to put the wrong pieces together but it just leaves me broken…the puzzle even more broken than before, ive bent the pieces up and the may not fit anwhere at this point…ahhhh im rambling. But it feels good to let it all out. ARgghh I just want someone to talk to! I miss that so much. Ha i guess I’ll settle for a blog post, just wait it out and see where the wind takes me….?Trying to sleep cause tomorrow i have to go to work damn i really lazy this days..so i must go to sleep right now..maybe i won't open my blog in a few days...sleep well, night guys...